An Exciting Adventure Told By a Failure

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Greg Belmont is one of the few lucky kids who get accepted into the Isaacson Preparatory Empowerment Establishment (I-PEE for short) in Chicago. Greg hoped that he could make some friends unlike in his old school, but he was wrong.
Known as “Greg Fatmont” (among other nicknames) by his classmates, there are only two people in the entire school — including the teachers — who don’t hate him: Froggy — a boy who’s always muttering things that don’t make sense — and Edwin — Greg’s best friend who’s the richest and most popular kid in the school.
“The Legend of Greg: An Epic Series of Failures” by Chris Rylander follows Greg as he discovers his destiny… and learns how terrible it is.
Greg has worse problems than being bullied: the Belmonts are stuck with a curse that makes something bad happen on every Thursday. Some of these events include Greg’s great-aunt Millie’s beard catching fire, the family farm being repossessed, and Greg’s cousin losing his brand-new car.
Greg thought that the worst day of his life was when multiple bad things happened to him (of course, on a Thursday) — the worst was when he was narrowly avoided getting mauled by the biggest polar bear at the Chicago zoo (this was not his only near-death experience).
The real worst day of his life was was actually the next day, Friday (the best day of the week because it’s farthest from the next Thursday).
It started out as a normal day, with Greg helping his dad and his friend, Mr. Olsen, at their store. After a rock troll — a supposedly extinct species — kidnaps Greg’s dad, Mr. Olsen takes him through a secret passage that leads deep underground.
Once there, Mr. Olsen (his real name is Fynric Grufftrack) and another man named Dunmor Beardbreaker explain everything: Fynric, Dunmor, Greg, and all the other Belmonts are Dwarves.
After the fall of Separate Earth, the Dwarves created the region deep beneath Chicago — a city that was founded by Dwarves — known as the Underground. Most of them have lived in the Underground ever since.
While living in the Underground, Greg befriends four other Dwarves: Ariyana and Lakeland Brightsmasher, Eagan Mooncharm, and Glamenhilda Shadowpike.
Ariyana Brightsmasher — “Ari” for short — is a Dwarf who looks more like she belongs in a punk rock band (one of her favorite hobbies is going to rock concerts). She is also the only vegan Dwarf in the Underground — or perhaps even in the world. Because of this, many of Ari’s friends make fun of her for, as one of her friends said, causing innocent plants to “needlessly suffer and die because of [her] beliefs.”
Lakeland Brightsmasher — “Lake” for short — is Ari’s twin brother. He acts more like his father, a Traditional Dwarf, although his hair and clothes make him seem more like he’s a mad scientist. Lake always speaks in traditional Dwarven speak (another version of it, since the original language was lost to history).
Eagan Mooncharm is the tallest and thinnest of the five Dwarves, though still shorter than five feet. Like Ari, he seems less like a Dwarf and more like a Human celebrity, even though his parents are also Traditional Dwarves.
Glamenhilda Shadowpike — she prefers “Glam” — is said to be the most attractive Dwarf in the Underground. Despite this, she barely looks like a girl. Glam is probably also one of the most muscular Dwarves and is one of the first in centuries to grow a full mustache before turning 18.
Soon, Greg receives some bad news: the Dwarves had signed a peace treaty with their enemies, the Elves, but there might soon be another war between them. Dwarves are known as failures and their odds of winning a war are very small, especially with the rock trolls on the Elves’ side.
To make matters worse, Edwin is the son of the Elf Lord, and his parents were the ones who kidnapped Greg’s father.
Greg later befriends Froggy and, with the help of him, his new Dwarven friends, and a magical axe named Bloodletter (it prefers the name “Carl”), he risks starting another war and losing his best friend to save his father.
“The Legend of Greg: An Epic Series of Failures” combines action, fantasy, and comedy into one thrilling story. The chapters get shorter and more exciting as you read, ending the book with a cliffhanger that will leave you wanting to read the next book as soon as possible!
The book will be released in June 2018, but please be sure to take the author’s advice and don’t read it on a Thursday.
I would recommend this book for anyone ages 9 and up.